I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
