I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
