i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
sarcasm needs its own font
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
