Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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