Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
