Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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