Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
