I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
