saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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