she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
