The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
