I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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