a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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