I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
