A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
we're chasing vodka with high fives
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
