dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
