I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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