hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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