HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
