I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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