you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
