I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
