New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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