You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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