sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The air was thick with penises
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
