just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
