i was born a porn star she said
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
