i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
