You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
