I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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