I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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