there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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