Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
