i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Randomize