omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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