Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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