Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It's official drugs can't kill me
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize