I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
