ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
