Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
