I must be too annoying 4 u.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
