If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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