she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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