Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
