I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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