I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
