I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I have feelings that need drinking.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
