do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
