Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
