Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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