We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
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