How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
