I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
