Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just gargled with NyQuil
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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