my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
