my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
