I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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