I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
