He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
