im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
