I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
