bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
so let's talk penis.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
