It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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