I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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