wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
