Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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