how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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