Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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